Identities – Remembering Who You Are

Most of us gain some sense of empowerment and connection to others through the various identities we subscribe to, whether by birth or otherwise: race, gender, ethnicity, nationality, geographic region, religion, etc.  These identities appear on the outside to give us a sense of pride, affiliation and sense of community and belonging – in other words, connection. These various identities have value if they’re not taken too seriously or relied upon too deeply for self-worth and connection to others. This is a double-edged sword however, because it not only creates connection, but it also creates separation by dividing us in creating “us” and “them” characterizations. How people choose to reflect those identities can and often is the source of conflict when they view those of different identities as “them” in a negative light instead of in an appreciation of differences that enable us to learn from one another. Instead, some use these identities to fear, misunderstand and hate one another.

There are lessons to be absorbed on both sides of the “us” and “them” identity conversations. For those believing they are part of the “us” conversation, the more we cling to those identities with

white-knuckle steering, the easier it will be for others to unintentionally or intentionally offend or insult us or for us to fear and hate others. Allowing others – even the perceived “them’s” – to produce a response from you of any kind is giving up your power to another. We all can choose how we respond to others. When someone attacks your national flag, your religious icon, your ethnicity, etc., remember that when someone speaks, it says more about them than it does anything or anyone else. Don’t allow another to pull you off your balance by their insults to an identity you claim.

On the other side, for those who see fault with another identity, whether it’s a race, nationality, religion, gender or other, don’t attack or insult a symbol of that identity, whether it be a flag, a book, a look or other inherent association with that identity. If you have a legitimate complaint or criticism, it will never be heard through the insult they feel from your attacking the symbol of their identity.

Attacking these symbols of identities feels like a personal attack to those claiming that identity. They will react with equal fervor against you and even your message because of it. If you communicate a legitimate concern with reason, respect and without invoking your own “them” mentality, chances are you will find many who claim that identity will agree more with you than they disagree. Don’t make concerns personal by attacking identity icons and symbols.

We must learn to have respectful conversations regarding diverse identities and backgrounds, affiliations and experiences. In the end, we should keep in mind that we are all part of the same

community, and these religious, ethnic, gender, national and other identities we claim are all outward identities that have nothing to do with our spirit, soul or inner essence as beings. These outward identities that we may think define our status as humans in this life are not nearly as important as our inner selves, which is who we
really are as individual beings. Who we truly are has nothing to do with race, gender, ethnicity, nationality, geographic region, religion or other external characterization. Who we are is far deeper than these outward identities or what anyone else says we are. Who we truly are is who we are in our hearts – that’s our real connection to one another. What is in your heart is who you really are at any given moment. Where is your heart?